Normal or Unique?

Would you rather live a normal life or a unique life?

Would you rather live a ‘normal’ life, doing ‘normal’ things, following the rules, every day focusing on the should’s & have too’s.

Doing what you have always done because that is all you know as it seems safer in the normal box, always sacrificing yourself, happiness & well being for others, putting yourself last, staying in your comfort zone or like some prefer to say your ‘known’ zone.

There is nothing comfortable about feeling unhappy, unloved & unfulfilled. In a normal life you stay small & keep quite because you don’t want to upset or create reactions in others, am I right?

Or would you rather life a unique life, being uniquely you which means everyday choosing to grow, learn & expand in your mind, body & soul.

To do the things you love to do, to not live by the rules of society instead create your own set of rules that is led from your heart, where you are part of your family equally, you put yourself first so you can show up more fully in the other areas of your life in a more fulfilled & balanced way, where you live in flow, love & joy.

A unique life where you speak your truth knowing that other people’s reactions is not your responsibility.  A unique life where you are connected to your purpose and you follow it bravely, shining bright & being all of YOU that you can be.

I choose to live a unique life, now as I know what living a normal life means.  I did it for 29 years until I couldn’t do it anymore. I had a breakdown that led me to my break though.

I was so unhappy ALL of the time yet no one knew because I had a beautiful, everything is perfect, I can do anything mask on & wouldn’t let anyone see the depth of sadness, anxiety & overwhelm I was in because my ego couldn’t bear it if anyone thought I was a failure, not the perfect mother, wife, & friend.  Instead I over gave to compensate my emptiness & to try and feel worthy.

I had nothing left to give. I felt so alone.

I gave until I had nothing left, then I still tried to give more. The amount of times I burnt out because I didn’t know when enough was enough, or that I could have boundaries & could give myself permission to love myself, to invest time, money & energy into me.

I broke the box I had put myself in & yes even let others put me in with judgements & limiting beliefs of who they thought I could be.

I had everything I thought I ever wanted.  I was a mum of 3 beautiful children, I had an amazing husband, I had the house, the horses, the friends, the well paying 9-5 job yet I had never been more unhappy & here is why.

With all those things I had achieved & had I still had a deep dark hole inside of me, deep down I felt unloved, unworthy & unimportant within my own life. Trying to fill that hole with achievements, things & people didn’t work because of 1 thing.

I didn’t love myself.

I didn’t love myself enough to be brave enough to say I hated my job, I was only doing it because it made good money & wasn’t your pay check reflective of how successful you are? I thought it would stop those feelings of unworthiness, especially since I was always told all my life that I came from nothing & would always be nothing, yet here I was making more money then most of the people I went to school with & didn’t have a higher qualification then Grade 11 & some tafe courses.

You see as a child I was the poor girl & unknowingly in my unaware state I had kept the label.  I placed it over my heart & I wouldn’t let it go. It’s what I knew, so I did what I always had done.

I couldn’t find happiness & I fell deeper into that hole of emptiness.

I didn’t love myself enough to stand up and say what I felt, to listen to my intuition or follow what my heart was screaming at me to do. Instead I listened to others, to society to the rules that are invisible yet hold you done like chains wrapped around your feet.

Because I didn’t love myself, every step I made was made was tarnished with my past (the baggage I held onto), with the limiting beliefs I had taken on & so I limited myself in so many ways.

I didn’t love myself enough to have boundaries & so I gave myself away to my husband, children, family, friends & work. I didn’t know how to say no to others or yes to myself.

I didn’t love myself enough to pursue my passions because of the guilt & shame I felt every time I did as I was taking away from my family’s time & finances.

Then one day after I hit rock bottom, the mask fell off & the shadow over took me, consumed me & I broke.

Like the saying goes within the wound the light shines brightest & believe me the light shone through in that moment of my unraveling & in my time of deepest despair a thought came rushing forth to the surface and that one thought, the truth of the knowing that

I deserve to love myself, that I deserve happiness, that I deserve to follow my heart & be all of me.  

It propelled me into action.

My world tilted, everything I knew started breaking away & as I embarked on what I call my self-discovery, self-love & self-empowerment journey (which I am still on & will never stop) I started waking up to my truth, to who I really was.

I stepped away from my job, from our family business that I nurtured, I started investing in my health, I learned & trained in holistic & alternative modalities being guided by my intuition on which way to travel & I started my own business.

I took many turns, deviated from my path many times as I re-learned how to trust myself & how to listen to the whispers of my heart. Yet every turn led me back home to me where I learned more about the being that I am, the brave & wild woman that I am who has such a deep burning desire & obligation to ignite, empower & inspire others to embark on this journey of self-love, self-discovery & self-worth in all areas of their life.

It meant getting out of my comfort zone, investing in things I had no idea if would lead me to anywhere other than a smaller bank account. Over & over again I would embark on a journey that no one else couldn’t understand the reason why or benefits of me doing what I was doing, I did waver many times. I stopped many times yet the overwhelming sense of obligation & need for me to continue outweighed what others thought.

I became braver in choosing me, with following my intuition & learning that it is ok to make mistakes, to fail because with each failure it led me to become stronger, wiser & more determined. 

I fell in love with who I was, the woman who was full of shadows, & yet she chose the light even though her past, hers & others limiting beliefs could easily have overtaken her.

I fought for myself, I stood up for myself & said no to others even my most loved ones, & started saying yes for myself.

I started to see the magic, the passion & my purpose within me. I started to believe that I was worthy. Instead of thinking who am I to do x,y,z instead I started thinking who am I not too?

Everything with in my life changed. It wasn’t easy for me or for those around me. Most of my friendships fell apart because I wasn’t giving myself to fill up the spaces that where unbalanced in those relationships, others couldn’t understand the change within me & didn’t want me to grow, so I let them go. Others just simply didn’t like the ‘new’ me which was the true me.

For my husband it was hard on him as he was used to a ‘yes’ wife, who did so much to make him happy because I always thought him better than me & I had to keep him happy so he couldn’t see the unworthiness within me. It was a journey of many twists & turns within our relationship as we found ourselves within the changing & metamorphosis of myself.

Our whole life changed as I followed my heart & my husband followed along with me. It was a huge responsibility as everything turning out ok weighed heavily on my shoulders. Yet when we trust, we have faith & we come from a place of love & truth we are always guided towards what is best for ourselves & others.

Never has it led me astray, even when things didn’t work out as I thought they should, instead we either learned something very important or we were led down a different more fulfilling path.

My husband & I are now equal in our relationship, he helps out more with our kids & home.  I am more open to ask for help. He is more open to my ‘uniqueness’ which has opened him up to his own uniqueness.

We love not because we feel obligated too because we are married & have children, we love each other because that is what is our truth & what we desire. We connect on such a deeper level than husband & wife & even though there were many times we didn’t know how we would end or if we would end, we continued navigating this new path together.

We have been together 18 years this year, I am more in love with him than I ever have been. I love the person he is, I love that dad he is, how he loves me for me & that he chose to grow with me. I am not obligated to him I have an obligation for us to create a life & world that we love & are proud of. Where we are creating the biggest positive ripple we can create.

We are doing life, love & family our own way as we don’t get stuck on what other people think, the fear of judgement, sometimes it slows us, though it isn’t long until we keep journeying forward because we know that no matter what we do we will always be judged. It is part of life & part of others journey to be triggered by other people.

We also know those who judge us, in truth, have little to no meaning in our lives so why would we stop living a life where we are happy for them?

We are now surrounded with strong, supportive & loving people who are a part of our tribe and with them we experience even more love & connection.

This all unfolded because I chose in a moment of despair to love myself regardless of how I thought of myself.  I travel around Australia & now internationally sharing my truth, living my purpose & I feel the most me I have ever felt.

I continue to break away from my comfort (known) zone as I want to experience what I am capable of & to live life fully.

I hope whether today, tomorrow or the next that you see that you too are worthy or loving yourself & going on a journey of self-love, self-discovery & self-worth.

You deserve to be truly happy & you deserve to live a unique life, being your unique self.

So much love,

Tam xo

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